Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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