He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
