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what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
