i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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