so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
