There was a lot of him and a little penis
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
