I accidentally had phone sex last night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
