In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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