This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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