At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
