i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
