Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
