I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
