The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
