Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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