I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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