yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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