I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
