I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
