Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
