just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
