She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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