we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
