I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
