I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
