Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
