will power is for people who don't want to get laid
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
