Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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