Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
