and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
