I think I just saw someone hide a body.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
