Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
