Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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