Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just pee around me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
