well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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