I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's shark week go big or go home
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
