The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
