It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can feel your judgement through the phone
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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