He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The uberlube is also flammable
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
