you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
