My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
