omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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