Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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