I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
