Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She bit a glass in half.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
