He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
