i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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