I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
