my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
