dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
