There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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