I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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