dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
