It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
